Of the 12 Angry Men Dynasty League.
We, the Managers of the 12 Angry Men Dynasty League, in order to form a more perfect fantasy union, establish competitive balance, ensure the tranquility of Sunday afternoons, provide for the common trash‑talk, promote the general absurdity, and secure the blessings of The Grumpy — who, by sacred decree, CANNOT eat Doritos — do hereby ordain and establish this Constitution.
Let all who enter this league know:
This is a place of honor, rivalry, superstition, and occasional coyote sightings.
May your lineups be set, your trades be fair, and your FAAB bids be only mildly irresponsible.
The League shall be known as 12 Angry Men, founded in the year 2023, during the Era of Sleeper and the Age of Perpetual Overthinking.
The following events are hereby canonized:
The Dorito Prohibition — The Grumpy, golden dinosaur and eternal trophy, is forbidden from consuming Doritos due to his delicate constitution and special diet.
The Coyote Incident — Pat, while smoking a joint at his grandparents' house, heard a coyote and lived to tell the tale. This shall be referenced annually as a reminder of the league's spiritual connection to chaos.
The Rivalries Eternal
*Footnote: Mazika's rivalry with the standings is historically one‑sided.
The League shall consist of 12 teams, hosted on Sleeper, the app of both miracles and misclicks.
The League shall operate under Half‑PPR Superflex scoring, as decreed by the Founding Managers and upheld by tradition.
Starting lineup shall include:
1 QB, 2 RB, 3 WR, 1 TE, 2 FLEX, 1 SUPERFLEX, 1 D/ST.
The annual Rookie Draft shall be linear, conducted with solemnity and at least six managers physically present, lest the spirits of Sleeper become displeased.
Draft order shall be determined by:
This system shall be upheld unless Mazika proposes an alternative, in which case it shall be politely ignored.
Trades shall be permitted freely, except when deemed unholy by the Commissioner. Veto power rests solely with the Commissioner, who may smite trades with righteous fury.
Managers may trade picks up to three years out, provided Sleeper acknowledges their existence.
There are no special rules for orphan teams. They must fend for themselves like everyone else.
The annual tribute shall be $100, paid promptly and without complaint.
The two finalists may agree to split the remaining $1100 however they choose, provided the agreement is made in good faith and not under duress from The Grumpy.
There shall be ritual shaming for forgotten lineup setting. This shaming shall be public, theatrical, and preferably involve screenshots.
The Commissioner shall be Andrew, First of His Name, Protector of the Constitution, and Wielder of the Veto.
The Commissioner may:
*Footnote: Aguiar's trade history makes this necessary.
There shall be no co‑commissioner, for the league cannot withstand two sources of divine authority.
Rule changes require a two‑thirds majority, except during a Constitutional Convention, which requires unanimous consent.
Waivers shall operate under FAAB, with a $250 budget resetting after each rookie draft and before Week 1.
The trade deadline shall be Week 12.
The League shall uphold the sacred tradition of the Chase Jersey Transfer.
A custom Ja'Marr Chase jersey adorned with patches from all past custodians. Custodianship belongs to whoever currently rosters Ja'Marr Chase.
From January to July, Ja'Marr Chase shall be considered spiritually available for trade, ideally landing with a manager who has never rostered him before.
Failure to honor the Chase Transfer Window shall result in mild public ridicule.
The Grumpy is a golden spray‑painted dinosaur mounted upon a noble wooden base, bearing the inscription “Dino‑sty League Champion.”
The Grumpy CANNOT eat Doritos, for reasons known only to the Founders and the digestive gods.
The reigning champion shall house The Grumpy and protect him from harm, dust, and snack foods.
The Toilet Bowl shall determine the league's least fortunate manager.
The loser must record a Loser's Oath video and post it in the league group chat.
The Loser's Oath shall include, at minimum:
The Commissioner may require additional ceremonial shame as needed.
The Commissioner may bestow satirical awards annually, including but not limited to:
Amendments may be proposed by any manager, debated loudly, and ratified by:
All amendments shall be inscribed in the Book of Angry Men.
Let this Constitution stand as a testament to our league's commitment to competition, camaraderie, absurdity, and the eternal struggle against Mazika's relationship with the standings.
May The Grumpy watch over us.
May Ja'Marr Chase find new homes.
May Pat never again hear a coyote while high.